That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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