there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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