sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
