Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
