And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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