pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
