It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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