Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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