Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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