my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
