Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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