but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
