I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
