So gin and wine won't be happening again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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