I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
