Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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