you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
