you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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