You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
