Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
