your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
