goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
