I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
