it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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