Plan B is the new Plan A
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
