he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
being pregnant is like rehab
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
