We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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