Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
