Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
