it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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