I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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