i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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