When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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