Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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