And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
