well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
