It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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