get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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