You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
