i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
