Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
