the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
