I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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