FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
