but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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