theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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