last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
