Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
