Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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