there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
