i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
