if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
